Cinco de Mayo

10:43 on Wednesday night. This is the latest I have been up in the last few weeks...or more specifically, 12 days! How, Liz, can you be so specific? Because that's 12 whole days I've been without soda. [cheer here] Good news: I'm not substituting the soda with any other sugary substance such as juice or tea. Bad news: I'm not substituting with anything but sleep. Yikes! With only 5 weeks of school left, this is the WRONG time to lose energy, effort, will to do anything, good mood, etc.

More good news: my gums have stopped bleeding when I floss. Yay! I have 9 days under my belt there. Let's see...what else?

As for everything else on my list, nothing. Can I pretend like I'm stringing it out over the year so I don't clump it all together in April and May? Do you buy that? I didn't think so. I have to get this stuff on the calendar...that's the only way I function.


Since I am doing nothing else on my list, wanna hear a funny story? Cinco De Mayo related so you're sure to enjoy.

So, a few months ago I was invited by my principal to attend a national conference in Indianapolis. How exciting right? A multi-day trip to a big city, all expense paid, time away from dogs and family. "What's the down side?" you ask. Well, that would be my crippling fear of authority figures and bosses. I agreed to go with mixed emotions. I was honored to be chosen to attend, I was excited for the adventure, I was looking forward to getting to know some coworkers better. I was terrified of doing something stupid, getting fired, losing my income, losing my house, car, and livelihood, ending up on the street, eating out of a trashcan.

Dramatic? You might not think so if you keep reading.

So the trip is going good. We made it there. I relaxed a little. We ate some good food. Third night: We hear about this wonderful Mexican restaurant that has great homemade guacamole. (My favorite! Obsessed!) At the table are my principal, vice principal, and 4 fellow teachers. I'm the first to order. Should I get a margarita? Should I not? Is it legal to be at a Mexican restaurant without imbibing? I think not. But what if I'm the only one drinking? Someone will surely follow my lead. Right? What's this? Margaritas are 1/2 price. It's a sign from above. "Yes miss, I'll have a margarita please." [hold breath; wait for others to order] (Side note: 6 months later - why do I care?! Would it be the end of the world for my boss to see me drink a beer?) Back to the story and I PROMISE this comes back to Cinco De Mayo. So, to my relief, everyone orders a margarita including the boss. Yay! Last to order is the VP. Not only does he order a drink but he orders everyone a tequila shot. "Tequila shot?" I think. uh-what?! "Yes please" I say.

Fastforward: 4 drinks, 1 shot, 3 orders of guacamole, 1 mariachi serenade, and some REALLY good food later it's time for me to ...er...use the facilities? As I'm washing my hands, I see in the mirror (backwards) the following poster:



Cinco De Mayo celebration? Fun! 1/2 price margaritas. Wait...margaritas are half price tonight. Mariachi band. Wait...there has been a band here all night. Cinco...that's five...it's the 5th...OMG, it's CINCO DE MAYO!! This is going to revolutionize our night. We have got to get started on our fiesta!

I leave the bathroom, paper towels be damned, no time for dryers. I have to spread the word. I hustle through the restaurant, come inches from knocking over a few waiters, trip as I'm climbing the few stairs to our table. I raise my hands above my head; my hands are saying "halt all conversations! I have something important to say!" Everyone turns and stares. In their eyes: What happened?! Where's the fire? Who died?

I say quote: "OH MY GOD Y'ALL! DID YOU KNOW IT'S CINCO DE MAYO?!" I pause, wait for the magnitude of what I have to say to sink in so that we can continue our night with a new found perspective. FIESTA! They stare, I begin to question if they heard me. Was I not clear enough? Did I not speak loud enough? Enunciate? Should I repeat myself?

And then...laughter. Bahahahahhahaha. "Wow Liz, I didn't realize testing was already over." Man, only a few more weeks left of school." "Better start tanning, get ready for summer." What? I'm thinking. Football season just started, it's freezing, snow is forcasted. What are they talking about 'summer?' [all this runs through my mind in 1 second]. Then it hits me. I'm mortified. I'm embarrased. I want to crawl under the table. Enter those thoughts about homelessness, cardboard boxes, and dumpsters. Duh, Liz. It's November. Mayo = May. It is NOT Cinco De Mayo; it's Cinco De...Noviembre?!

Shit. Try to recover gracefully. Act mature. Don't make a fool, scratch that, more of a fool. I argue. I plead. I lobby. "I SWEAR the poster in the bathroom says "Cinco de Mayo!" It absolutely does. What's that. No, I have NOT had too much to drink. No, DON'T cut me off. Go check it out yourself."

No really,you- scroll up and take a closer look. 1/2 WAY TO above Cinco de Mayo. Ahh, 6th month-iversary. Crap.

Flashforward again: 4 hours later. My new nickname is "Cinco." There is now a "cinco" handshake. [one person says "cinco," the other says "de mayo." Fist bump out to a salsa dance and repeat the word "fiesta" until sufficient time has passed]. I receive cinco comments on the fifth of every month afterwards. My boss thinks I'm an alcoholic idiot who can't read. GREEAAAAT.

I'm going on another national trip to Orlando in June with the same crew. This time I'm going with a pregnant teacher and bringing my mom to chaperone my mouth. Better luck next time.

Go ahead. Laugh at my humiliation. This story is on the house. Happy Cinco de Mayo! I'm out.