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We bought our tickets to Ecuador! Woohoo! I will be enjoying Ecuador, the equator, and the Galapagos islands from July 2 - July 22 this summer. How exciting! I have already started dog-earing our Ecuador travel books and J is making an itenerary. My sister has never traveled with us so she is in for a shock...


Here is an update on the rest of my list:

1. Throw a wine and cheese party: nope
2. Run a mile without stopping: huh uh
3. Learn to drive a stick shift: eh
4. Correspond with friends better: um, I sent two cards but didn't hear back from them
5. Travel to Ecuador: see above!
6. Volunteer 260 hours: zip
7. Read 26 books: 1 down, a whole lot to go
8. Organize our picture books: I bought the albums...does that count?
9. Drink only 26 sodas: only 2 in the last 5 weeks! unbelievable
10. Go snow skiing: no
11. Rent a pontoon boat and go swimming: that sounds like a July activity :)
12. Park a car in the garage permanently: cancelled our garage sale twice
13. Go to Harry Potter World: oops...I should have checked this one out before adding it to the list. Aparently HPW opens on June 18, the last day I will be in Orlando. So I either have to attend the grand opening [shoot me now PLEASE] or fly there later in the year [yikes!]. Research, Liz, research.
14. Do 26 nice things for Justin: Maybe 1? 1/2? Se post #5 for clarification
15. See the inside of a semi-truck: still waiting on Mom to go with me to the truck stop
16. Exercise at leasts 30 minutes 3 days a week: FAIL
17. Play the lottery each week: um...oops, I forgot about this one
18. Save $2600 above our normal savings: I have $14 left of my birthday money, but I have my eyes on a new pair flip flops
19. Try 26 new foods: 1 down! I tried a fresh pear. It was gross.
20. Floss 26 days out of every month: SUCCESS! and now I'm and addict
21. Learn calligraphy: I'll take a class in the fall
22. Dig for diamonds: this will have to be a fall or winter activity. It's May and we are already having 90 degree days. Dig in the sun? No thanks
23. Learn to keep score at a baseball game: hasn't happened
24. Give blood every 8 weeks: third time's a charm! I gave blood and didn't pass out! whoohoo
25. Organize a will: too morbid to think about now
26. Find 26 geocaches: zilch

So, as you can tell I'm doing AWESOME on my list [read sarcasm]. Hopefully I will find some motivation this summer to knock some things off. Oh wait, I'm not going to be home this summer. Crap...

Thwarted...Again!

Well folks, my noble intentions to donate blood today were again derailed. I woke up yesterday with a small rash on my wrists and waist. Went to work, bought a coffee on my way to donate blood, found out I was there on the wrong day, came home and was cracked out on caffeine (since I haven't had it in 3 weeks! Yay me!) and marked 16 things off my to-do-list. By the time I slowed down and checked the rash again, it had progressed to a level 3 threat. I took two Benadryl, passed out, and woke up today in PURE HELL!

I am having an allergic reaction to something ingested internally and it is manifesting itself through rash on EVERY INCH OF MY BODY! Read that: EVERY INCH of my body. I am fantasizing about making a bed of sandpaper, stripping off all my clothes, and rolling around until the itch goes away. Of course, I would then be left with an entirely new type of discomfort as one of my layers of dermis would be missing!

I put on my greatest seduction face and asked J if he would like to accompany me to the bedroom where he could wipe my whole body down with a dry terrycloth towel. Apparently, that is not his deepest fantasy. I offered other options: Gauze? Tin foil? The stem from the pineapple we cut for dessert? The tread of my running shoe? A pair of chopsticks? Good ol' fashioned fingernails?

Maybe he would like to roll me across the carpet like a burrito? Hold me in place while the treadmill band rolls under my body? Paint me with oatmeal and calamine? Nope, no takers. And a husband who may never look at me the same again.

I got a steroid shot, bought out the entire anti-itch section of Wal-Mart, and am about to induce a Benadryl coma to keep from itching. I'd post pictures, but I will spare you those mental images. They will haunt you.

New appointment to give blood: May 20, one week from today. We'll try again.

Goodnight and enjoy your itch free body.

Eek!

I am giving blood tomorrow as part of #24 on my list. I went today but I was a day early. Oops. I'm dreading it. EVERY time I give blood I get extremely nauseous and pass out. My eyes get dots and can't focus, my temperature skyrockets to 200 degrees, I lose my hearing, and then am out. I dread dread dread giving blood, but it always makes me feel so good afterwards. Just think...I could be saving your life one day. How many lives did you save today?

NWA folks, check out the list of blood drives in the area:
www.cbco.org

...or better yet, come with me and watch my humiliation. Always sure to be fun and entertaining!

#14: Down One?

Well, I attempted to knock off part of #14 on my list: do 26 nice things for Justin. To accomplish this, I rented a cabin on top of a mountain that allowed dogs in an effort to have a "romantic cabin getaway." Nice for Justin? You decide:

1. On the way there, Hattie the dog got carsick and diarrheaed all over the back of the car. Emergency stop on the side of the highway, 20 miles from any town. Justin holding the two Danes on the side of the road, me cleaning out liquid nastiness with cars whizzing by at 80 miles an hour.

2. FINALLY get to the cabin at 10:00 p.m. and the lady hands me the key and says "I found some droppings under the sink and have laid some live traps. Just can't keep those wood rats out when they do controlled burnings. If you catch a rat, just put it out on the front porch and I'll destroy it. Unless one of your dogs gets it first." AGGGHHHH!

3. Open the door and take a look around. OOPS. The part of the description I overlooked is that these were built in 1930 -- 80 years ago -- and are er, rustic, to say the least. The panic started 10 minutes after we arrived when I was putting up the groceries and found 4 grandaddy longlegs in the span of 30 seconds. I started having visions of them crawling in my nostrils and ears in the middle of the night.

4. The bathroom is tiny and there is no shower. I'm sorry if I offend, but who bathes these days?! Looking at the tub, I didn't even know where to start cleaning myself in it. Especially considering my intense phobia of bath surfaces including porcelain, shower curtains, and sliding doors. Needless to say, there were no showers for the Blands this weekend and for my germ-a-phobe husband who showers twice a day that didn't go over well.

5. We make the bed and I settle in to my own sheets feeling the slightest bit at ease in being in my own linens...UNTIL...I see the tick crawling across Justin's arm. I jump up; cover my eyes; bang my ears like rainman; jump up and down; hyperventilate; try not to cry. Then proceed to check every inch of my body over for ticks -- TWICE.

6. The mattress is super cheap and squeaks if you so much as look at it.

7. At 4:00 a.m. after NO sleep and NO ease and worrying every second that Hattie is going to have a repeat episode of the car, I hear the dogs get out of bed and start walking around. I jump up, leash them, and take them outside; realize quickly that I am super afraid of the dark woods and scream for Justin. Justin comes reluctantly and lets them roam off leash to do their business. 2 seconds later, they are so far into the woods I can no longer hear the jingle tags and they are off. Get the car, drive through the woods whistling out the window, pissing off all our neighbors. Find them, refrain from beating them. The MINUTE we get in from our 4:00 a.m. adventure, Hattie diarrheas all over the cabin floor.

8. Cabin smells like shit for the rest of the weekend.

9. No TV, no Internet, no radio, no phone reception = no fun. And LOTS of sleep

Sunday. 7:42 a.m. The car is packed and we are out of there. On the way back to civilization. (Cautiously watching Hattie's every move to prevent another "accident.") If we ever attempt a "romantic cabin getaway" you can be sure I'll do a little research beforehand. Maybe find a place that has been constructed in the last 10 years, with central heating & air, bug traps, no rats, and new mattresses. ... and a SHOWER :)

Cinco de Mayo

10:43 on Wednesday night. This is the latest I have been up in the last few weeks...or more specifically, 12 days! How, Liz, can you be so specific? Because that's 12 whole days I've been without soda. [cheer here] Good news: I'm not substituting the soda with any other sugary substance such as juice or tea. Bad news: I'm not substituting with anything but sleep. Yikes! With only 5 weeks of school left, this is the WRONG time to lose energy, effort, will to do anything, good mood, etc.

More good news: my gums have stopped bleeding when I floss. Yay! I have 9 days under my belt there. Let's see...what else?

As for everything else on my list, nothing. Can I pretend like I'm stringing it out over the year so I don't clump it all together in April and May? Do you buy that? I didn't think so. I have to get this stuff on the calendar...that's the only way I function.


Since I am doing nothing else on my list, wanna hear a funny story? Cinco De Mayo related so you're sure to enjoy.

So, a few months ago I was invited by my principal to attend a national conference in Indianapolis. How exciting right? A multi-day trip to a big city, all expense paid, time away from dogs and family. "What's the down side?" you ask. Well, that would be my crippling fear of authority figures and bosses. I agreed to go with mixed emotions. I was honored to be chosen to attend, I was excited for the adventure, I was looking forward to getting to know some coworkers better. I was terrified of doing something stupid, getting fired, losing my income, losing my house, car, and livelihood, ending up on the street, eating out of a trashcan.

Dramatic? You might not think so if you keep reading.

So the trip is going good. We made it there. I relaxed a little. We ate some good food. Third night: We hear about this wonderful Mexican restaurant that has great homemade guacamole. (My favorite! Obsessed!) At the table are my principal, vice principal, and 4 fellow teachers. I'm the first to order. Should I get a margarita? Should I not? Is it legal to be at a Mexican restaurant without imbibing? I think not. But what if I'm the only one drinking? Someone will surely follow my lead. Right? What's this? Margaritas are 1/2 price. It's a sign from above. "Yes miss, I'll have a margarita please." [hold breath; wait for others to order] (Side note: 6 months later - why do I care?! Would it be the end of the world for my boss to see me drink a beer?) Back to the story and I PROMISE this comes back to Cinco De Mayo. So, to my relief, everyone orders a margarita including the boss. Yay! Last to order is the VP. Not only does he order a drink but he orders everyone a tequila shot. "Tequila shot?" I think. uh-what?! "Yes please" I say.

Fastforward: 4 drinks, 1 shot, 3 orders of guacamole, 1 mariachi serenade, and some REALLY good food later it's time for me to ...er...use the facilities? As I'm washing my hands, I see in the mirror (backwards) the following poster:



Cinco De Mayo celebration? Fun! 1/2 price margaritas. Wait...margaritas are half price tonight. Mariachi band. Wait...there has been a band here all night. Cinco...that's five...it's the 5th...OMG, it's CINCO DE MAYO!! This is going to revolutionize our night. We have got to get started on our fiesta!

I leave the bathroom, paper towels be damned, no time for dryers. I have to spread the word. I hustle through the restaurant, come inches from knocking over a few waiters, trip as I'm climbing the few stairs to our table. I raise my hands above my head; my hands are saying "halt all conversations! I have something important to say!" Everyone turns and stares. In their eyes: What happened?! Where's the fire? Who died?

I say quote: "OH MY GOD Y'ALL! DID YOU KNOW IT'S CINCO DE MAYO?!" I pause, wait for the magnitude of what I have to say to sink in so that we can continue our night with a new found perspective. FIESTA! They stare, I begin to question if they heard me. Was I not clear enough? Did I not speak loud enough? Enunciate? Should I repeat myself?

And then...laughter. Bahahahahhahaha. "Wow Liz, I didn't realize testing was already over." Man, only a few more weeks left of school." "Better start tanning, get ready for summer." What? I'm thinking. Football season just started, it's freezing, snow is forcasted. What are they talking about 'summer?' [all this runs through my mind in 1 second]. Then it hits me. I'm mortified. I'm embarrased. I want to crawl under the table. Enter those thoughts about homelessness, cardboard boxes, and dumpsters. Duh, Liz. It's November. Mayo = May. It is NOT Cinco De Mayo; it's Cinco De...Noviembre?!

Shit. Try to recover gracefully. Act mature. Don't make a fool, scratch that, more of a fool. I argue. I plead. I lobby. "I SWEAR the poster in the bathroom says "Cinco de Mayo!" It absolutely does. What's that. No, I have NOT had too much to drink. No, DON'T cut me off. Go check it out yourself."

No really,you- scroll up and take a closer look. 1/2 WAY TO above Cinco de Mayo. Ahh, 6th month-iversary. Crap.

Flashforward again: 4 hours later. My new nickname is "Cinco." There is now a "cinco" handshake. [one person says "cinco," the other says "de mayo." Fist bump out to a salsa dance and repeat the word "fiesta" until sufficient time has passed]. I receive cinco comments on the fifth of every month afterwards. My boss thinks I'm an alcoholic idiot who can't read. GREEAAAAT.

I'm going on another national trip to Orlando in June with the same crew. This time I'm going with a pregnant teacher and bringing my mom to chaperone my mouth. Better luck next time.

Go ahead. Laugh at my humiliation. This story is on the house. Happy Cinco de Mayo! I'm out.

I Miss Soda!

I laid down at 7:41 tonight for a 19 minute nap and woke up at 10:22 p.m.(that's 3 hours later) to the realization that I didn't have any dog food and my dogs were letting me know in a not so subtle way (think barking, fighting, pawing, nudging, wet nosing, rolling, licking, kicking, knocking, etc.). So here I trudge at 10:35 at night to the local grocery store to buy dog food, all the while screaming and cursing "Why me?! Why can't I get anything done?" And then it hit me: Day 5 without soda.

Does my life really revolve so around soda that I can't stay awake past 7:00 p.m. without it? Yikes! This could be a deal breaker for me. I kind of rely on using all my time until midnight to get the things done that I get done. If 2 or 3 or 4 hours of that is eliminated because I can't keep my eyelids up, whatever will I do?!

The plus side to my late night grocery outing was that I heard a song I'm now obsessed with: Telephone by Lady Gaga featuring Beyonce . It's BRILLIANT! I already downloaded it to my phone which is kind of a big deal considering I only learned to use the iTunes app three weeks ago. Ahhh, welcome to the 21st Century.

Blog-A-What?!

Ok, I'm new at this blogging thing. I have been perusing other blogs and notice that many people blog EVERY day?! Well, in case you are interested... as far as my list goes, I have done nothing today. I am currently unwinding some floss and I have not had a soda in two days. Maybe I will donate blood tomorrow?

Is this the kind of thing you want to read? No? I didn't think so, so let me give you something better. I am roommates with two wonderful Great Dane dogs who rule our house. Hattie, our rescue baby, just got spayed on Friday and had her tail docked off because she suffers from Happy Tail. Well, she is a total spaz and couldn't keep herself away from her new tail nub and chewed out two of the stiches. One Sunday emergency trip to the vet later, Hattie dear is decked out in a new accessory:

Yah, the next 12 days should be fun!

I guess that's the most exciting thing I kinow today. I guess I'll have to do something more exciting tomorrow in regards to my list so that I have something to write about. Night night!